There were times when I felt like my life was being sucked into a black hole. As if a huge vacuum cleaner was pulling me into this incredible darkness. I was holding onto my life with my finger tips as debris flew past me into the abyss. Some days are dark. Some days feel like this.
Nikon D700, 50mm, f5.6, 1/80, ISO800. A self portrait using a remote trigger. I shot the image of myself jumping on my bed. It was quite sweaty work and took quite a few takes to get the pose I wanted. My room was dark and I wanted the right balance between bright, sharp image and motion blur. I photographed the drawers and lamp by holding them over my bed. The background is used from a previous shoot, the same one as in most of my images to maintain consistency within the series. I wanted the effect of the whole frame being pulled, so I photographed a bed sheet against my wall and gathered it slightly ,then added as a layer underneath. Finally, I added textures and colour tweaks. All editing is done in Photoshop.
There’s nothing graceful about putting yourself back together. It’s messy, it’s damn hard and it’s lonely. The only person who can do it is you and giving up is a lot easier. Recovery is a process and it’s takes time. It’s personal. It’s different for everyone. And when it’s complete, you will be different. Wear your scars with pride. Broken bones heal stronger than before, and so will you.
Image shot on Nikon D700, 50mm lens, f4.5, 1/40, ISO 500. I shot the main image 6 months ago, but wasn’t sure how to make the stitching believable. Then I had an idea but thought it was a bit gross. Eventually I went with the gross idea and bought a loin of pork from the supermarket. I slashed and ripped the skin and then sowed it back up with a darning needle and garden string. This second image was shot in a different location. I was worried about lighting differences making them difficult to blend and impacting on believability. I made sure the light came from the same angle – window light to the right. It was an experiment but I was really pleased with the result so I used it in the final image.
For those of us who have felt on the edge; or been told we are.
Image shot on Nikon D700, 50mm lens, f5.6, s/s50, ISO500, natural light from the left and right. I shot the hinge separately and composited it into the main image using Photoshop. Unfortunately I shot the hinge at a different location, the light was completely different and the angle was all kinds of wrong. This required a lot of curve adjustments, as did adding the shadowing for the hinge.
I have been travelling through quite a dark place for quite a long time. It got darker and darker until I could barely hold back the darkness enough to see, anything. The darkness changes the way things look, it changes the way you feel, it changes how you behave and what you think. It makes it difficult to communicate. This image is an interpretation of how I felt during a crisis period in my life. The weight of the darkness was so heavy, I thought it might consume me.
The darkness is fear.
Image shot on D700, 50mm lens, f5.6, s/s50, iso500. I expanded the frame to my right to allow me to frame my subject off centre. The Hurricane lamp came from Amazon, I wanted a light source so I could illustrate the darkness. I thought a Hurricane lamp was quite fitting for weathering an emotional storm. In Photoshop, I stitched the frame together and added light to the lamp and darkness to the rest of the frame. Then added textures and tweaks in curves and colour balance.